Alterna-Dreamcasting

A friend came over to my place the other day, took one look at my Dreamcast and asked, “What’s this?” It took my brain a full minute to comprehend that he was asking a serious question. When I told him it was the latest and greatest of the videogame systems, he just scoffed at me. I sat him down, turned on the Dreamcast and popped in a few games. He seemed impressed with some of the graphics and even liked some of the games, but overall was still rather unimpressed.

“You already have a PlayStation and a Nintendo 64. Why get this one too?” he asked.

“I just showed you. The Dreamcast is better.”

“It’s a system like any other,” he stated. “It plays videogames.”

“No,” I protested. “It’s a lot more than that.”

“Please. What else is it good for? Give me one other thing it can do beside play videogames.”

“I’ll do better than that,” I heard myself say without thinking. “I’ll give you 23 other uses!”

I had to do some quick thinking, but I managed to come up with a list of uses the Dreamcast has besides playing videogames. I thought I’d pass that list on to all of you just in case someone challenges you with the question, “What else is the Dreamcast good for?”

A place to rest your soda can
A wobbly table fixer
A place to hide your secret stash of thumbnail nudie pics you printed out after downloading them from the Internet
Another instrument of torture to use on your younger siblings
Proof that you actually did earn somewhere in the neighborhood of $200 at one point in your life
A really heavy frisbee
A cool Christmas decoration
A video surveillance system (a slight upgrade might be needed for this one)
A home vision exam kit
A good excuse to go to your room
A small red flashlight
A reason for the electric company to exist
Proof that man is evolving
A foot rest
A place to put all those cool rub-on tattoos you’re embarrassed to put anywhere else
A hammer
A fingernail/toenail filer (gotta get that CD thing spinning really fast for this)
A new and improved mousetrap
A self-contained underwater breathing apparatus
A spare shoe
Something to bury in a time capsule
A spare tire
A funky grilled cheese sandwich maker

Now a lot of people will read this list and think all these reasons are stupid. They might even go over the list with a fine-toothed comb (notice that isn’t one of the Dreamcast uses) and say that only a few of these uses are plausible. But then it will be I who scoff at them. I have tried out each and every one of the uses and the Dreamcast has proven to be quite a versatile instrument. So I highly recommend going out and picking up a Dreamcast, even if you don’t want to use it for videogames.

If any of you out there have tried the Dreamcast out for any other uses that aren’t on my list, please feel free to send them to me.

Mike Fasolo keeps one eye close to the crumb.

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